Spousal
The most important relationship in many people's lives is one particular age group relationship, usually with their romantic partner or spouse. This person is someone to turn to, for someone to count on, someone to support you. This person is someone who will listen, who will understand when no one else seems to. But that person is also someone to give to, to provide for, to hear, and to understand. The most important relationship in many people's lives is one of mutual dependence. It is one that allows them to satisfy their need for close harmonic connection by being dependent on others who are also dependent on them.
Such relationships are essential, and many families structure their lives around them. But in considering a mutually dependent relationship there are important questions of whether in the midst of the mutual dependence there is also mutual autonomy and mutual autonomy support. With people who love each other, autonomy support is a two way street. Mature relationships are characterized by two individuals interacting openly with each other, unencumbered by ego involvements, interjected evaluations, or self-deprecations. In mature, mutual relationships each person is autonomous, and each supports the autonomy of the other. When two people are relating maturely, each will be able to ask the other for what he or she wants or needs. There is a balancing of getting what one needs for oneself and giving to the other. Being aware of feelings is important for the development and functioning of the true self, and communicating those feelings to them is important for intimacy in all relationships. When people know they own their anger and understand that their feelings are caused by the buildup of events to their own wants, needs, and expectations, they will be able to express their feelings constructively, without engaging in aggression. It also allows people to think about how to get what they want or need without necessarily requiring that their partners change. It is not easy for another to listen to one's anger without becoming defensive, but the more people know they own their anger, even though it is pointed at the wrong person or thing, the more likely the other will be able to hear it. Two people become ever closer by owning feelings and sharing them with each other.
